Recently I was having Sunday brunch at Chicago Diner 1 with my favorite 2 science-based nutrition experts 3. After the bloody mary started soaking into my freshly reanimated constitution the crank part of my brain started warming up and I boasted about my own non-vegan-ness. I said something to the effect on how I don’t consider the small animal ingredients in products I consume. I was asked for examples and that’s as far as that ethanol took me before I became stumped to provide as such.
“I was asked on-the-spot ‘what are the non-vegan things you eat’ and I was stumped. So you tell me vegan nonvegans at #VeganNonVegan“.
- I eat the free fortune cookies that come with my vegan chinese food regardless of the ingredients.
- I drink alcoholic beverages regardless of its status at the Book of @barnivore or what it was fucking filtered with.
- I eat graham crackers even if they contain honey.
- I will eat a veggie burger if I am somewhere and have no other options – without checking the ingredients.
- I will eat the “vegan burger” without asking about the bun.
- I will also eat fries without worrying if they were fried in oil used for frying other things. :O
- In a pinch I’ll eat a Subway veggie patty sandwich because the rest is practically air anyways.
- Sure, I’ll slum up on the fast-food tip and chow a Burger King BKVeggie. Yes, fries with that.
- Sometimes I’ll order the onion rings without asking.
- I bought silk ties at the thrift store.
- I’ll eat vegan chocolate cake. According to Karyn’s Cooked vegan restaurant chocolate aint vegan.
- I’ll use and eat artificial food coloring.
- I think my rule of thumb is something along with if the ingredient is in the bottom 1/4 of the list.
- I’ll eat food made on the same grill.
- I drink Boddingtons beer which may contain honey but I give not enough fucks to find out.
- I buy recycled paper towels.
The vegans in the audience are going D: after that list and the non-vegans are realizing how deep the rabbit hole goes with this whole vegan thing.
Veganism is a dubious and hazy line. Regardless of the choices there is likely to be some collateral damage no matter how hard we strive to avoid them. Now vegans have a litany of responses to these types of quandaries due to the barrage of disingenuous gotchas from animal eating trolls. But I KNOW THEM ALL MUTHAFUCKAHS. I was on the streets handing out the Vegan Outreaches, tabling fairs, administrating message boards, running vegan meetups for years and years, dude…I. know. And if you bust out the utilitarian abacus on me I will puke boredom all over you.
I’m a hypocrite? Damn straight I am! You too unless you like to shit on the majority of people5 on this planet starving while you post your 583rd vegan food pr0n instagram. I’ve met dedicated hardcore animal rights activists who only work for companion animals and eat animals. Because of that vegans have a special sort of vitriol for them and that’s shameful. I hate that sort of attitude and I don’t want any part of it.
Am I driving demand? Voting with my dollar? I really don’t think so. Boycotts are leveraged with purpose. A general application in the way veganism is wielded doesn’t inspire confidence in meaningful change. And what does that say of people who have less “votes”? 6
It’s actually been kinda hard to let some of my vegan-ness go. When I catch myself squinting at a label it just feels wrong and irrational. What magic vegan in the sky is peering down on me making sure I’m being good? What difference does it really make? Sometimes I make it a special point just to do so to remind me that I am not vegan, I am an animal liberationist. I’d rather seek paths of change than flagellate myself over a modicum of animal derived ingredients. The never-ending game of NOT VEGAN misses the forest for the trees. It’s less of a hassle for me to give up this “lifestyle” for the original reason I started in the first place than it is to continuously be undermined by vegans. The Vegan Police doesn’t have sway over me anymore, I’m out of their jurisdiction.
So, what non-vegan thing do you do, animal advocate? Do you dare to say or do you fear reprisal of the Vegan Police? Is that more important than the supposed issue of animal justice for which vegans sometimes give lip service?7 The comments are below,8 join me and free yourself!9 For the animals.10
- Best vegetarian restaurant in Chicago ↩
- Ginny & Mark Messina ↩
- Shameless namedrop, that’s right! ↩
- Maybe it should have been #NonVeganVegan but it made sense at the time. *shrug* ↩
- Global Rich List ↩
- H.E.A.L.T.H. >> A Critique of Consumption-Centered Veganism ↩
- Even the godfather of veganism relents. ↩
- If you try to argue about the veganosity of things I will promptly give zero fucks. ↩
- Why Veganism Must Be Abolished: an Interview with Vegan Represent Founder Dave D ↩
- Fucking cheap, I know. ↩